I do this on a semi-regular basis. Last night I made sauteed chicken with a pear and gorgonzola salad with some crescent rolls on the side. My mom and sister liked it, my grandmother and aunt refused to eat it because they said they were tired of chicken and don’t like vegetables. So….yeah whatever. I’m glad my mom and sister liked it though.
I’m only paid once a month, so pretty much on payday, I pay all of my bills. I don’t have many right now because of my living situation, I’m very fortunate in this regard. There’s still a sense of accomplishment I get though when I pay off all my bills for the month and don’t have to worry about them.
As many of you may know, I’m on a mission to knit and crochet 1000 scarves (2000 total). To see these scarves, please check out my scarf tag (https://ferventcrafting.wordpress.com/?s=scarf)
I went in for a check-up recently and to discuss some issues I’m having with immune system issues. Everything came back negative, so I still don’t fully understand why I’m so damn susceptible to illness and infections (mostly sinus infections and pneumonia.) It’s very frustrating.
I don’t lend books to many people because every time I lend a book to someone I either never get it back, it comes back is significantly worse condition or I learn how they used it and I don’t like it. This story involves the last one.
I’ve mentioned previously that I live with my grandmother. She used to knit but hasn’t in a really long time. Every once in a while, she’ll strike up a conversation with me about it. Putting my cards on the table, I don’t like my grandmother. I think she’s a narcissist and at the very least, she’s really rude. She keeps asking when I’m going to make her a hat or scarf, but I made her a blanket a few years ago that her cats peed on and she threw it away…like within six months of me giving it to her. We we talk about the skill of knitting, she is constantly asking about my gauge (unless it’s a garment, I don’t follow gauges and when I do there’s some trial and error because I knit really tight.) She then is always quick to tell me that her gauge was always perfect. She really thinks of herself highly as a knitter despite completing only 5 projects (at most) in her life.
When I first moved in with her, she was talking about getting into knitting again and asked if I had a book. Wanting to be encouraging and generous, I lent her my Vogue Knitting The Ultimate Knitting Book. She took it into the bathroom with her while she smokes. I told her I would prefer if she didn’t take it into the bathroom with her and she responded “That’s my library!” Which..doesn’t make sense but okay. She refused to give it back until she realized that it was too complicated for her to follow. I gave her a simpler book I had that I got from the library for $1. I then took clorox wipes to my precious Vogue Knitting book. She still has that other book, under a mountain of snotty tissues, unused and abandoned for months. I don’t want it back.
This took me a long time to get to this point, but I hardly fear failing anything anymore. I fear trying new things sometimes for different reasons, but I’ve really internalized that failure, in most circumstances, isn’t a big deal. I think that fear of failure and comparisons to others really steals the joy out of learning something new. I’ve noticed many women I’ve worked with say they can’t do things or won’t even try because they don’t want to fail and look stupid. It kind of breaks my heart, I feel like they are missing out on some wonderful experiences. Getting comfortable with failure is hard, but I’m happier for it. What about you? Do you have a fear of failure? Does it stop you from trying new things?
I haven’t been to the library in a few months so I decided to go this past week. It’s always enjoyable to wander the stacks and take a ton of books. I usually go there when I want some retail therapy, but don’t want to spend the money. I’ve actually thought about making virtual tours of the different libraries in my state, including public, state, and university libraries. I don’t know if anyone would actually find it interesting though.
Alas, this will be the last time I go for a while because of the Coronavirus. The library is going to close for a while.
For me, the most unimportant thing that I waste my time on is social media. On Tumblr it’s really easy for me to scroll for hours without noticing, same with Instagram. I’ve changed my way of interacting with social media to try and curb this time wasting. I don’t go on Tumblr anymore, it’s kind of a toxic environment anyway for me. For Instagram, I only go on it during my lunch break during the week. No weekend browsing at all. This pretty much just leaves Youtube for me, which I’m still struggling to get under control. I mostly play it in the background, but every once in a while I’ll go down a YT rabbit hole and waste a day on it.
So, I did this like a year ago, it’s the only time I’ve ever babysit kids. I work with kids for my job, so I didn’t really think it would be terribly different, but it is. I babysat a former coworkers kids. They weren’t bad kids, on the whole they were pretty well behaved, they were just very young. Think kindergarten and first grade. I work with primarily K-3rd grade, so I figured two kids around that age would be fine. I babysat for about 6 hours and it was probably something I won’t do again.
The thing is, in school, the kids have things to preoccupy them, assignments to do, structure and rules to follow, etc. With babysitting, it’s much harder to keep them entertained. Especially kids that age, because their attention spans are so limited. I was exhausted by the end. The mother paid me well, provided food, and is a great person to work with. I just realized that I probably wouldn’t do it again unless I had a really good reason to or I wanted to repay someone for something kind they did for me.
I’m not going to lie, I’m terrible at staying informed in regards to the news. I just find it exhausting. It’s not that I think it’s unimportant, it just feels like it’s a constant barrage of vitriol, hate, arguments, tragedy, and in many cases stupidity or carelessness. So, I really only watch Philip Defranco. It’s only about 15-25 minutes, 4 days a week and I just feel like most of the time it’s all I can handle. I’m not sure if this makes me an ignorant person or someone who doesn’t do enough, but it really is all I can take at the moment.